Becoming

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This feeling of content at times comes as a complete emptiness, a void at the very back of my head demanding fulfillment. Life is a bore at this stage, thinking everything is temporary, then whats there left to do. Thoughts; feelings, evolving, shifting, wildly and fast, like they can’t never decide a definition. And I am the one who is standing here, waiting for a conclusion.

Empty hands struggling to grasp the air, as if I could do it and shape it I would understand the whole idea of what Life is.

But this is also one of those time, so personal, something delicate is taking shape inside, the strongest voice I hear is “patient!”, ego would judge me as coward for not making any moves.

“You have become the person you wanted to be, tho you could never see it. And you know the Universe is vast. Every conclusion is another beginning of a new quest” says the voice at the back of my head.

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Day 84 – sanity cult

No! His blood would never go sour. As he keeps making new wound to make sure the dripping blood is fresh, the pain keeps him alive his bleeding keep ours. This is a very strange kind of euphoria that every drip that we sniff spreads into our system runs the kind of sickness that we want, that we live by. It keeps us immune to numbness. It sparks emotions we could never picture our selves, but we understand. It lubricates our stiff creativity mind, that gradually cures our impotent. It keep us here with no promised end, every moment, each of the story is another beginning.

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day 46 – the fuss

11 days away from my last post, trying not to put so much pressure on my self to work on something, but the pressure is still here, the habit to let my self being dragged by thoughts stream, to be swirled and smashed, is something i can not yet change. i feel a lil beauty in doing that tho, letting my self sink into flow, felt beaten up and stood up or tried to stand back up. without really knowing why i am doing what i am doing. i blame it to my nature.

but i am giving up….just let things be….without question…..when my thoughts wont matter…..

shifting back into the darkest corner in my universe…defragging….

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