Day 95 – to be

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No! I can not and i will not stop my mind from growing thoughts, let their branches gives space for more branches hardened at every stretch catching up with horizon.

No! I can not and i will not stop my mind from digging thoughts, let their roots break the gravity and going deeper and hold safe my core.

No! I can not and i will not, tho i will be forever caught in the middle and struggling for balance, become the host of the anxiety. This what makes me true to who i am.

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Day 93 – caffeine 

  
2.01 am, got woken up, cant go back to sleep, my heart is drumming loud, maybe its the caffeine i had this afternoon. Night time thoughts keep popping out like series of bubbles in freezing air, none of them worth keeping really, just the result of unanswered pre-visions. The rain outside silence down howling dogs but not my drumming heart, this bloody caffeine. I hope the morning light will fade the filthy night thoughts away, soon. 

Day 91 – what then? 

I was there on the tip of one the big rocks, on my left was the big stream of waterfall and on the other side was him swimming in the pool under the stream. Slightly i had a thought of doing what people these days love doing : selfie. But another thought hit me : what for? What would you do with it then? Post it on facebook? It will be soon forgotten anyway, it will be soon just one piece in thousands collage after collage that you would loose track. Isn’t every moment just another fraction?

No! It is not pointless! But i just decided to pick the things i know it will stay in my mind a little bit longer. Things that matter the most, being present from tiime to time.  When at the end, there would be just i and my self, and it is more about the journey than the destination.

someday

if you ever understand silence that you can experience only in the depth of your self, then you should know how it is being caught up in between worlds (which actually nothing than the streams of your own thoughts), in order to feel the peace, you need to choose which one to let go. This is when the unknown pull me in even deeper, and i am scared of the darkness.

Someday, i might cry for help to stop me from cutting this silver line that connects my soul to the sky.