the realm of words

too much beauty becomes boredom, too much pain makes you numb, you can not stare at one rose for the rest of your life, you can not keep squeezing already dried orange, so is the realm of words, at least to me, i left an undone writing project cuz i had become a dried orange, a boring rose, so i left the realm, to live life for life, not just resourcing to write, i want to see the beauty for it self, understand pain thru its essence. let the roses die and the new ones born.

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funny heart

i knew well how to move between the crumbles, as much
as i knew how to breathe in the shaded light, then
as i have entered this bright space, i
am lost
caught up between these living shadows

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Shadow Life by Vangelis Paterakis

2017, when other great things happened

The Mrs Sippy Bali Launching, March 15, 2017

I used to have a silent desire, that i want to boost like a rocket, if only i am given chance. But life is never about destination, never about being finally into the space beyond our atmosphere.

And here i am, not really out of space, but at the point i have never thought i would be. From that time when i had the silent desire to here. Lost count of how many years, of how many milestone, not the numbers that matter anyway, but what i learned, how i grow, how i have changed.

It was and still is the biggest project of an entrepreneurship i have been work for. Millions of Dollars project that is now running with hundreds staffs.

 

The Hike, 28-31 October 2017

This was the dream that felt more like an echo, come and go in the back of my head and left light mark on my heart like a trace on wet sand.

I was traveling solo, but it was like traveling with the whole gang, inside of me, still. For the first time, I felt synched, internally. No debate no arguments, only happy questions and answers and a lot of silence. For the first, I felt completely present in the moment, no one wants wander away and I dont have to drag anyone along, we want to absorb every second of it.

The walk inside the forest was the most calming yet content walk i have done in my life, it was a series of long deep contemplation of who i was, who i am. No questions asked, as if i am telling my stories to the trees, which patiently and gently listening.

Never seen snow before, and i walked on frozen mud, and wrote my name on snowy table outside hostel. Everything there was mesmerizing that i think i was smiling the whole time. And i was finally closer to the summit, stood in great silent. Everything seemed stop together with my heart beat. The beauty from that up close is so majestic. All the rough time in the past was redefined there.

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in the woods

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In Between Dauri and Forest Camp, Himalaya

Because they listen, and they were eager to listen to your stories, you can feel the genuine and loving acceptance of who ever we truly are. So i told them my story, how i got here, i told them that some years back i used to want to write a story about a baby chicken which wanted to be able to fly as high as the eagles. She felt so little, every time she looked at the sky and the eagles flew so high with their mighty wings. She wanted to be up there, she dreamed of how everything will look down here. She made little leap each day, despite the warnings of other chickens, how dangerous and stupid it was.

But of course, i never really finished the story, it was written without end on one of my journals that scattered somewhere, abandoned. But the trees reminded me of it. The trees asked me who i am, where i come from, what makes me happy. They kept me walking within my own pace, no rushing, and just BE. I stopped to admire them and listen to my own heartbeats once and awhile. Streaming of thoughts flowing like a river inside my head, i didnt try to justify them, the trees wanted to listen.

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will the sand remember

what you drew on it? like your heart does remember, what you have done to it.

I woke up, disoriented this morning, but not about where i am, but more like in time. My heart choked from the dust of the past memories, i was awaken by the eruptions of emotions coming from random events in the past, people that i met, places that i was in. So yeah, i woke up lost, so to speak.

I texted a friend and asked him, when we met. i thought if i know the number of the time i can start tracing whatever there needed to be traced and re-memorize and re-known then i will find my self again. i can re-direct my self. Drop the pin at certain place in past lane to start.

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Becoming

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This feeling of content at times comes as a complete emptiness, a void at the very back of my head demanding fulfillment. Life is a bore at this stage, thinking everything is temporary, then whats there left to do. Thoughts; feelings, evolving, shifting, wildly and fast, like they can’t never decide a definition. And I am the one who is standing here, waiting for a conclusion.

Empty hands struggling to grasp the air, as if I could do it and shape it I would understand the whole idea of what Life is.

But this is also one of those time, so personal, something delicate is taking shape inside, the strongest voice I hear is “patient!”, ego would judge me as coward for not making any moves.

“You have become the person you wanted to be, tho you could never see it. And you know the Universe is vast. Every conclusion is another beginning of a new quest” says the voice at the back of my head.