2.01 am, got woken up, cant go back to sleep, my heart is drumming loud, maybe its the caffeine i had this afternoon. Night time thoughts keep popping out like series of bubbles in freezing air, none of them worth keeping really, just the result of unanswered pre-visions. The rain outside silence down howling dogs but not my drumming heart, this bloody caffeine. I hope the morning light will fade the filthy night thoughts away, soon.
passing feelings, temporary filling the blank, believing fables, living other’s expectations/values of suffiency of a life, burrying doubts, closing boundaries, arranged events, or sometimes just fell right there right then in front of your very eyes, counting stars for hopeless pray, cant give it up now, what shall i do with my life if not to find love? but i never feel it here, another”someday you will” lie to dance till you die, collecting faces of ones you used to know, they are nothing but bunch of pixels in your bin that becomes somehow permanent to haunt your sore despair, cut the thread and keep facing forward, you will find it….or never, nevertheles this life is yours to fill with vanity or meanings.
When i was sitting in the bus for a long ride. Music was loud in my ears; playing Muse, Radiohead and Tool, and it rained outside. Water pearls were racing on the window. Time seemed relative, as my mind was breaking loose; wild and happy. Like little kid playing with mud, she was dancing within ideas, throwing silly questions and remarks bout random stuff. i didnt bother with pen and paper, enjoying her free beauty; didnt want to put her in a box and trap her in definition.
When i was on waiting mode, sitting inside a crowded room. Music was loud in my ears; playing Muse, Radiohead and Pearl Jam. Everyone there was just like me, waiting for the wall of water to eventually break all down, so we can move on, dry. Time seemed relative, as i let my mind sitting next to me, and together drawn in quietness, simply enjoying the sight of nature doing its thing.
When i was sitting next to the glass wall, expecting some people to show up. Knowing that the rain must have slowed them down to be on time. Music was loud in my ears; playing Muse, Radiohead and Linkin Park. Time seemed relative, that i forgot where i am what i am doing, hypnotized by the moving image of people rushing in and out between parking lot and the restaurant. Like watching repeating TV show thru huge screen.
those moments (of the rain, alternative rock music and I)
when i wished no one would poke me
reminded time to reclaim its potent