There were moments that left strong colors that might stay forever in my memories wall; the trips to places i dreamt to visit, the meeting with people that light up my days or brought me down hurt, the privilege to choose decisions. I am grateful for everything served on my table, everything meant to keep me human that feels.
I changed during the year, i know i changed. I worked to change to what i feel and think is a better self. I dont care if the world dont see it, they only choose to see what they want to see, trap them selves into their own conclusion and perspectives of the very small pieces i allow them to see.
I did great for the year, i know i did great. I picked up from unspoken praises, mother nature never stop whisper it to my ears, and we, girls, agreed that we did great for the year.
In silence that night, looking away to city below burping out firecrackers on the sky, i said my gratitude to Universe, I was assured that this year is going to be another awesome ride. Challenges had lined up and i will pass every each of it well, i will make mistakes, maybe the same mistakes i did hundred times before till i am able to really see it right; maybe just so i can easily dance it through. Keep my exploring defining and being.
And yaaa…Dance, maybe i should learn to dance, literary.
There are moments in my life that i feel i am changing into another state, like adjusting into something else i was not. It may sound like simple changes like putting on dresses and or make up more often than i used to. My friends who know me for sometime would notice the change, and their reactions would be my mirror to reflect, some would say “it’s not you!” , and some would say ” i like it better”.
I never quite do anything or change to impress anyone, i just do it because i feel like doing it, so sometimes people responses surprised me. It did make me think or wonder how actually people define me, how actually i define my self. Does it even matter? It does not for me, but it does tickle me sometimes.
“exploring…defining…being” used that words since i created this blog, but only recently it struck me, despite the fact that i have been using the words pretty often in different term and or situation. I try things to explore what is in there for me, or whether i am that or this, that it would change the way i define my self, being my self.
So what i am really, but the compilation of selves that i created then replaced; a living storage of stories or memories or fragments that made me who i am now. And in time i can start more consciously feel what i am, how i am, it feels like i am building a new puzzle, or reformulating a self or an individual that i can be. And down deeper inside there is this core that stays the same, no matter what wrapping it is covered with; and it will stay fluid.