Day 106 – Am I dead?

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_filename_640

his shadow bores me, his wordplay bores me, no mystery anymore in the beauty he paints, too fragile, too vulnerable, too graceful, his kisses are probably getting boring, no more after flavor, nothing linger. i cant feel the sharpness of his words that still dripping in my head, they dont tickle me down there anymore, they dont make me come anymore.

Advertisements

Day 103 – when dreams hurt

John+Frusciante+johnfrusciante292

He lives in the castle of dark blue mist, smells lavender, or at least that is how i like to imagine it. He howls his ballads thru night air, as an effort to take the hand of the moon and ask Her to dance. “A dreamer” i thought of him “The brave one at least” i added the thought. And what that makes me, really. He howls and howls his heart out to the empty sky where the moon resides, in the impossible distance. Woman are in and out of the dark blue mist, the story tells he has been fucking them by the window where the moon can witness, suppose to make Her jealous. His bravery makes me feel so small, my fingers even get numb tapping the letters of “fucking”. I am shrinking, but i can not turn away, believing his words could lead me to my own redemption. Cause, I too want to dance with the moon.

day 101 – the silent weirdo

1699x1151x2

when i am happy, deeply content happy, i see colors running thru my fingers in the open air, i see the moon giggling,

when i am down,  i see my self behind an invisible cloak or breathing under water,

when i am excited, i see my self bouncing like bubbles, i see my self harvesting lollipop tree, swirling down rainbows,

when i am anxious, the ground feels like cracking for me, my lung shrinks i can not breathe,

when i am in control, i speak the common language so i can be understood, but yet still….the images in my head would be racing and jumping up and down, bouncing for recognition, that is the time when i lost control and people around me will fade away.

so i choose to shush, just listening and seeing in my mind those normal words  turns into images. And that is how i perceive the world.

Ro ( one emotion at one time)

9

She was the second shadow I saw when I was high that day, standing facing the ocean, fading black figure. The light from the fancy club was behind us, highlighting the waves that gradually slowing down to our vision.

She was hurting, for the cause she knew all too well. It was the old wound that was taking the place happening at that present time. She was hurting for the laughter behind us. She was hurting for denying the deep emotion that struck her once more and yet she let it slipped again. She was hurting that she resist to fall down to her knees and cry. She thought she would know enough how to be vulnerable, but she was wrong. I told her so.

The third fading grey shadow stayed still as I did, just facing the ocean. The white bubble of breaking wave gradually become white sketchy line to our vision.
My wet cold body from swimming the night ocean starting to get warm under my jacket, I wanted to take three of us for a long walk, but my feet buried deep in the wet sand and I was hesitating to leave, hesitating to let the laughter last longer, I wanted to interrupt cuz it was hurting.

Carrying the ache I decided to hide my shadows and came back to where the guy and the other girl sitting and giggling. Lied there and watched the sky and stars and the Mars, the pain lied flat on my back, I forgot about it for sometimes.