This feeling of content at times comes as a complete emptiness, a void at the very back of my head demanding fulfillment. Life is a bore at this stage, thinking everything is temporary, then whats there left to do. Thoughts; feelings, evolving, shifting, wildly and fast, like they can’t never decide a definition. And I am the one who is standing here, waiting for a conclusion.
Empty hands struggling to grasp the air, as if I could do it and shape it I would understand the whole idea of what Life is.
But this is also one of those time, so personal, something delicate is taking shape inside, the strongest voice I hear is “patient!”, ego would judge me as coward for not making any moves.
“You have become the person you wanted to be, tho you could never see it. And you know the Universe is vast. Every conclusion is another beginning of a new quest” says the voice at the back of my head.
The air was not right. It felt oddly shifty but i did not see my ground moving. Gently i walked, not to fall into the cracks. I felt the pull, somehow, slightly. Then all i knew, i gasped for air. My heart was suddenly empty. A sudden chill piercing inside my chest and it hurts. And that morning i cried.
I was once promised by the voice inside me that there will be a savanna with blue mountain and emerald sky. i believed in the promise therefore i keep living.
Once and some more times, people that i met to bid good bye would wish that i would find what i am looking for. So i kept looking, without exactly knowing what i am actually looking for, but those people wished me good luck for it.
Some other time some other people would say i should not do certain things because it was proven it hurt me. So i stopped doing them.
Once and some more times, i found some beautiful lines in books, songs, other people’s speech that reflects my feelings and who i was. So i kept the words in mind referred my life to it.
Once and so many times, tho, i found my self stumbled by the thoughts, i thought i was on the right path shaping the right self wearing the right definition, but was i really?
But i did and still do believe in the promise, so i shall follow the voice.
it is the circle, once again i come to the point when i feel something is swollen in the inside and it is pressing my lung. Suffocated it seems by maybe whatever junk i unconsciously absorb while i am out of my sanctuary. I refuse new threads to be attached to my life keeping the good old ones. Accepting and patiently going thru the storm rather than fighting back.
it is the circle, i am being pulled back to my core and i need to go with the pull.