I have long abandoned the past, so the old crushes return to tell me how they regret for letting me go would never happened. The past full with cowards and occasional lovers. And the present is in my hands and i still dare to love.
No! His blood would never go sour. As he keeps making new wound to make sure the dripping blood is fresh, the pain keeps him alive his bleeding keep ours. This is a very strange kind of euphoria that every drip that we sniff spreads into our system runs the kind of sickness that we want, that we live by. It keeps us immune to numbness. It sparks emotions we could never picture our selves, but we understand. It lubricates our stiff creativity mind, that gradually cures our impotent. It keep us here with no promised end, every moment, each of the story is another beginning.
I may have written bout this before. About picking up crumbles of past stories, tracing the dried blood from past wounds that never turned to dust, sniffing drawn images of past emotion that never completely turn to rock. But it is more like picking up a number from shuffled bowl, unparticular. Every piece picked had become nothing but fading colors, sliding off my fingers i cant never contain as a story to tell. But i suppose it is better that way.
i am not sure if i am ready for this conversion, or whether i ever will.i am good when i am well hidden behind the closing curtain, turned off spotlight. i can slide like a swan, but i am not sure i can glow like one, or whether i ever want. i am not sure if i am ready for this new costume and all the expected personalities gestures that should come with it. i am not sure if i can play the role, but it is right on my table. i will no longer be the tramp
(Photography: Alex Falcao , MUA/Styling: Enzo Ono / MAC Make-up
Model: Iris Madeleine @ Starlet Norway , http://www.glass-book.com/v2/comfortable-darkness/)
WAS A GREAT YEAR
There were moments that left strong colors that might stay forever in my memories wall; the trips to places i dreamt to visit, the meeting with people that light up my days or brought me down hurt, the privilege to choose decisions. I am grateful for everything served on my table, everything meant to keep me human that feels.
I changed during the year, i know i changed. I worked to change to what i feel and think is a better self. I dont care if the world dont see it, they only choose to see what they want to see, trap them selves into their own conclusion and perspectives of the very small pieces i allow them to see.
I did great for the year, i know i did great. I picked up from unspoken praises, mother nature never stop whisper it to my ears, and we, girls, agreed that we did great for the year.
In silence that night, looking away to city below burping out firecrackers on the sky, i said my gratitude to Universe, I was assured that this year is going to be another awesome ride. Challenges had lined up and i will pass every each of it well, i will make mistakes, maybe the same mistakes i did hundred times before till i am able to really see it right; maybe just so i can easily dance it through. Keep my exploring defining and being.
And yaaa…Dance, maybe i should learn to dance, literary.