” so, what are we?” i asked
and he said ” planets in orbit”
so i breathed in really really deep letting my self sinking into the space and rotate back
and there, at one particular time our orbits will sync
from being a slacker to be more discipline and consistent, from judging to accepting, from keeping the grudge to forgiving, from linger in resentment and jealousy to understanding.
There are moments when i suddenly caught my self repeating a bad thing, then i would tell to my self to stop and never do it again. But how many times does it take to replace one habit to another? how many times does it take to wake up at the same time every morning to make it habit? To create an auto response.
you will be nothing but dried mud statue smashed into dust
your words would be muted animation
yeah….you can see in in my eyes, cant you?
true! i am so done with you!
On that particular Saturday when the sky was slightly bright, clouds just hanging up there without the intention to intimidate the day not to be good one. The night before i met a good friend who came for visit and brought me some nice printed out picture of us when spent the time together.
I took a moment before i started the day, reminiscing some events in the past, i could use this kind of Saturday with those awesome people making awesome memories; road trip, hike, snorkel,swim in the sea, or just chill, anything simple but last forever with the warmth feeling left marked at heart. And i will make more memories worth keeping in the heart.
I have made a statement once that i dont plan to be a saint. I expected people to allow me to make mistakes, that i can fall, that i can hurt other people, not that i would do it intentionally, just make mistakes. But then, to realize that i still struggle with jealousy, prejudice, to easily fall into that negative circle still makes me sad. I still wish i can have that automatic stop before i fall, before the words came out of my mouth, before action were made.
To be at peace with anything at all, that serene feeling, not necessarily big laughter dancing thru the nights.
Overheard a conversation by a young girl on the phone (she maybe 23ish), sounded like a long lost good friend of her was on the other side. The conversation did make me roll my eyes with a sigh. I dont want to judge but it did sound too stupid for me. It included her decision to change her light skin into darker and keep the dark skin because her ex boy friend preferred dark skin girl; that she spent so much for beauty treatment yet the relationship was an epic fail.
Sometimes ago, i attended a small seminar about life motivation. And the young participants asked some questions which the answers were just too plain on the sight if only they would also consider the existence of courage.
Back then, at their age, would i know it all? would i know what i want to do with my life? being who i am, being brave, do what is good for my self, etc? I know what i know now is simply because i have passed those phase of not knowing then i learned. Back then, at their age, i probably did stupid things, getting tan to impress the guy i had crush on; being in such a drama of not taking one job because i wont have time for traveling; driving the scooter for an hour at night just to see the other guy i have a crush on. Back then, at their age, i was lost and stupid too.
So, i tell to my self, when i am around younger people asking me such a simple questions,”patient! be kind! they are young!”