old love which lived in my old journal

every picture that i draw upon the air

is of beauty that i learned from you

warmth that i absorb from the sun

is to lit up your spirit in me

the lines of your sight is

made of my fantasy

my head is bored by your name

my heart never rested to spell

if only i could embrace you when

even time wished to steal the memories

of you

by now

you should know that i love you

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“Patient,” the virtue i still learn to gain

I notice it well that i have load of energy, that being sick didnt stop me to go hiking the highest mountain in the island, even with my slowest pace. I can go motorbiking for hours to go snorkeling after 10 sets of badminton in the previous night. 

Having load of energy makes me difficult to stay idle, which we do need to just relax and reflect the day. I often struggle with the urge to move. I still can make my self to sit nicely to read, to work on my photos, or watch movies, but that mostly at bed time. As in the day time, i often deal with the urge to just run, walk, hike, swim, just go somewhere, do something that involves moving.

So, Patient, has been the greatest challenge i am dealing with, in every aspect. As it does effect me in the way i connect with people, with any situation, with my enviroment.

Maybe, it is also to do with my mind, who runs wild, greedy to experience something new all the time, as i tend to absorb things fast then it gets me bored easily.Then i would expect people to move and think as fast as my pace, which gives nothing but my own anxiety.

I do learn patient from my friends, just by being relax with them.They would instantly hold my hand, when i was about to burst in some challenging situation…yes i can be that bad! see my problem? =)

I learn patient when i take photos; as i may not be able to always make the image as perfect as it is in my head.

But i always have this urge : I want to boost like a rocket! 

 

home

i am at home;

where my mum and brother and his wife are, in our house

in the city where i was born

i got so many texts and emails from my friends, asked me :

when i will  be back home;

the city where i have been living for 6 years,

where i had job and my own rent house, and my friends have become  family

Yet, i never really felt  at home,

like when i am actually on the road, riding my scooter, or in the bus staring at the flashing landscape,

while my mind would fly around on my side and make its own conversation

I feel totally missing home 

when i look beyond the horizon or to the moon and the stars

suddenly i am back

to this space where my chaotic soul found its freedom

resting its broken wings on the words ruin

admitting the lost battle

feeling alrite with all the heaviness of  twisted expectations,

perfect with all the contradictions;

weak but strong, soft but hard, courageous but afraid, evil and good,

content with all the nothingness

suddenly i am back

with the pressure under my breasts

lost in the images of hopes, into the voice of denials

left alone with my breath

the only thing that connects me to the world

my land of colors

I :

i want you to know that writing to you has always been hard to start as i have to dig out my deepest emotion,

tho once i start, i can go on like sliding the rainbow to the land full of colors with lollipop trees grow well on the ground.

Just cant stop thinking of you!!!!

HE :

sometimes i love to think of you more than i would like you to know. so i will not and never ever tell you that thinking of you can feel like sliding down rainbows, dancing with stars, singing on a swing at night,  diving in the sea with dolphins, flying through balloon storms or falling asleep by the fireplace in our castle, overlooking the ocean with you. how about having another balloon battle? or harvesting the lollipop trees? or finding a warm cave to snuggle against each other and explore the way to paradise in kisses. because sometimes i love to kiss you more than i would like you to know. so i will not and never ever tell you that thinking of you can feel like sliding down rainbows…

you are a land full of colors and i can see you brightest with closed eyes at night. you may come screeeeeeching, young as my irresisitible flip flop girl or mature as my breath-taking superwoman, tempting, dangerous or shy, so far i have always found you right on the first hug. you’re sweet as hot, as red as yellow, as colors as love.

if you think that much of me as well, let our thoughts unite in the sky, let them conquer each other, sleep with each other so that they form a comet of dreams that climax in a rain of falling stars on earth tonight. believe me, you won’t read a word in news tomorrow coz nasa and all the scientists will be polite enough to look away. they know, they could never explain…